In memory of Matthew and Linda Ma

Always welcoming. Big smile. Big voice. Dad. Always interested and concerned about others. They kept their friends. Not just brief friendships. Long, lasting friendships, whether with friends from elementary school, high school, university, church, sports, or clients. Many are here today.
I remember friends and meals at our home when I was younger and then dinners out with their friends. Lots of dinners. Lots of good food. You could tell they were awesome friends by all the outpouring of wonderful memories I received from far and wide when the news broke (of their tragic death).

The Virtue of Hard Work
Dad and Mom worked hard while they were young and still in school. Mom had 3 jobs (working at a hospital, being a nanny, and working at retail) at the same time as studying for her undergraduate degree at the University of San Francisco. Living in San Fran, it was hard to imagine Mom, as an 18 or 19 year old taking the bus all over the city to work to earn her way through school. Dad started his own CA practice in 1986-87. Hard work for them both. I was still in elementary school. I never knew how hard they really worked or how much they worried. I was told to do my own job the best way I could – study hard. Mom helped my Dad, at the office, with clients,– in fact, she brought in his first immigration client through her time while working at the Royal Bank as a teller.

The Virtues of Determination and Perseverance
When Dad married Mom, he was dirt poor. He had to borrow money from a friend to be able to pay tuition for his UBC MBA program. I wondered what Mom saw in him! But he was determined to succeed and create a good life for Mom and his family. In his MBA, he went to the dean time and again to get exempted from enough courses so that his MBA could be completed in one year instead of two! He put in extra time to finish up his CA designation quickly! As his daughter, I have seen him in action many times, but the most memorable one was my 4th grade final report card, with a not - so - respectable “C” grade in French.

At the end of my school year in Grade 4 at St Paul’s school, Dad came to pick me up. It was also the day we received our report cards. Everything, save for PE was an A... except for the glaring “C” in French. Not that I ever felt pressure, but the understanding in the Ma household was that it was perfectly acceptable to get a barely passing grade in PE, but to receive a lesser grade in an academic subject would not at all do. So, Dad naturally focused on the “C” in French. I couldn’t explain it. I had done my best, so I thought. Dad knew that, too, and he knew his daughter had worked hard enough to exceed the grade she received. So, he went and talked to my Grade 4 teacher.

I was terrified! It seemed he was making such a big fuss! In my 10 year old mind, the teacher couldn’t possibly be wrong? I was bawling for my Dad not to go and speak to her! But, Dad was Dad and he was determined to get to the bottom of this “C”. In his very jovial way, he went in to the classroom and greeted the teacher. He then casually pulled out my report card and asked if she could help him understand where I had fallen short. At this point, I was cowering in the hallway, pretty much terrified that my Dad was just causing trouble.

Well, it turned out that the teacher had made a transposition error in copying the grades from her master grade record onto the individual report cards. I didn’t have a “C” after all -- I had achieved the coveted “A”. Dad gave me a good talking to afterwards about why he did what he did and why I shouldn’t have been afraid to question what didn’t seem to make sense. In the end, he was right. If Dad wasn’t determined to get to the bottom of what happened and persevered through my childish crying, we would not have uncovered the error and I would probably have been sent to Alliance Française for intensive French training in the summer! -- I still had to do that summer learning 3 years later after I was convinced I didn’t make it into LFA because of how difficult the French portion of the entrance exam was! I didn’t know at the time that the French portion of the exam was strictly for placement and did not count towards entrance acceptance.

 

How to be a Good Spouse
Mom and Dad were the perfect compliments. Mom would support and advise Dad, but always let him have the limelight (like a) good traditional Chinese spouse. Dad would always defer to Mom ¬¬ especially in the area of household financial affairs! Dad would always pick up Mom’s favorite coffee, even if she had already had some a bit earlier in the day. He also used to pick up her favorite flowers on a regular basis, Sterling Silver roses, I recall, until they were no longer imported. Mom would always make Dad’s favorite foods, be concerned about him when he came home late or engaged in slightly risky activities, like skiing.

I especially saw this when she tirelessly looked after Dad (and me!) when Dad was injured as a pedestrian in a car accident. He sustained several fractures around his left knee in that accident and was unable to easily move around for many weeks. She not only looked after a young me, about Grade 2 at the time, shuttling me around to school and my extra classes, but she looked after Dad, including helping him get around and taking care of him in his state of disability.

 

How to be a Good Parent
My parents always put me before themselves. They encouraged me to do my best and let me try different things. Never forced me. Empowered me to make my own sensible decisions. I was allowed to drop Chinese school after Grade 7! Even though they would miss me terribly, they did not dissuade me from taking international transfers with KPMG to
London and then, subsequently, to San Francisco. Although I found that once the grandkids were born, I got “kicked off the island.” Dad enjoyed travel and looked forward to going to exotic destinations all around the world after retirement. Instead, the only place Mom wanted to go was San Francisco to visit the grandkids. When we would visit them, their appointments were all cleared to dedicate themselves to us 100% of the time.